Oh Well

I have this feeling of unfulfillment. I just feel like I don't have anything to show for anything I've ever done. Maybe I'm just feeling depressed. Why would I feel depression that feels I haven't fulfilled anything? I have reasons that pop up but maybe they aren't ones that really matter? I feel I haven't fulfilled much because: 1. People seem to have significant others. They're not always happy but I see that as "they're doing pretty good in life". 2. I haven't gotten anywhere yet. A goal of mine is to go to Ireland to see if I would want to live there. I've heard it's a fantastic place. People are nice and caring. I don't know about Dublin. Sure there can be those people but from what I've heard, it's more easy going. I'd like to see for myself and that is going slower than I thought. 3. I'm going to school and I'm slower than most of the people. It's feeling like this month has been going very slow. It's dragging it's feet. My friends that talk to me more aren't very encouraging. Maybe it's my state of mind as of now. I hate this state of mind. I need to figure out how to get out of it. Howis this possible? What must I think of or do to get myself out of this? I have to keep my mind off it really. It's hard. The weekend makes it hard when I don't have school to go to. When I go to school, I have something to do. Something to keep my mind off things. When the weekend is here I don't hve things to do. I'm not good at thinking up things I can do. I mean I'd love to do things such as Hookah but I can't. I'm not allowed to in the home I'm in right now. I don't have a job so I can't do much anyway. I have money mostly for gas and food. Oh well. What is there for me to do? I feel this boredom and this not wanting to do anything. I feel like sitting around all the time. I need to do more. I know this and I tell myself but I don't do anything. I'm a hypocrite. I'm an annoying little human being. This is what I think of myself. I'm also an introverted extrovert. I look like an extrovert but I don't have energy. I fake it because others like it. Does it make me an introvert? I don't know, I'm having problems. Oh well. I need to get over myself. I'll get through it. I love you guys. Whoever reads this, I love you. You're special to me and I appreciate anyone that reads this. Even though you don't respond, it lifts my spirits to see people have read this blog. It's one more thing keeping me happy. Thank you guys. Goodnight.