Give...

Give to someone else. You heard me, give to someone else! You don't have to give anything very specific. You could give someone a Sonic Screwdriver or maybe just give someone something to eat. Giving something to someone else might make their day brighter. You don't know what they have been through, you don't know what lions they've hunted! Maybe they've had the best life ever and what you do won't matter to them. Maybe they've had the worst life though, giving them something might change their view on people. I don't care who you are or who you think you are. It matters what actions you take and it matters what your attitude is toward people and things that go on. When I say give someone something, it could just be a smile or a comment. It doesn't have to be something that costs money. Smiles could be like a million dollars to someone. You never know unless you try!

Take Me

Hold me in this embrace forever, forever and always. This pain I feel because of life crushes my soul and almost feels like to much. Hold me. Please! It might calm me down. Now. Kiss me don't be shy about it either. I haven't kissed though so go slow. Teach me in the gentler ways then go more and more agressive. Teach me your ways. Don't hold back, make me the woman I am meant to be.

Wanty. Not Needy!

I feel like I'm so needy. I mean I don't actually need anything I've been basically begging for in my head. I'm more of wanty. It's the stupidest thing but I still feel this way so often. I feel like I need a guy to be happy but that's just because I want a guy because he'd possibly make me feel better and I really want to get married. It's so hard not to feel like I need these things because the world says do what you want because what you want is right no matter what. Then they contradict themselves... Humans are such contradictions, really. It bothers me so much sometimes. Anyway, that doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is, I hate feeling and thinking that I need a man when I really only want one. I understand the world of relationships isn't all amazing and joyful always but man, getting stronger is a part of life whether it's only you or with a significant other. One sad thing is I have set high standards for men though I keep getting caught in these traps called feelings. I shake my head and try to laugh it off but these feelings are just so huge sometimes and people encourage them. It helps nothing that I'm trying to do and it creates such a mess in my head I may explode. We'll see. Thank you...

The Letter To Him

Must I be reminded of you and how amazing I think you are? I thought I was amazing. I thought my feelings had gone to someone else, to somewhere else, but you. You make me feel great just looking at you. You create these feelings and I almost want you to stop. These feeling are pain as well as attraction. A terrible combination but its also strengthening. But it will never help the feelings I have for you. My dear friend, friendship is better than nothing though it can hurt. I love you though. You may never know or understand but. You are such a fantastic human being. I believe in you and I'm glad I got to meet you, though. Thank you for being in my life and staying in my life for so long. You'll never see this but... I hope you may know this some day.

In This Heart

There is a heart breaking in fear. In fear of anger and not being accepted. To protect, to pretend it doesn't matter, it must put all walls up. In these walls there are chips so people might poke possibly. Why though? Must it be easy to get to this breaking heart? It breaks so many times a day. Why would you hurt it? Why would you poke it? It may be the internet but damn, you still have power. It may only be a text and your friends think its funny. Why not do it then? You really think hurting a human being (smacking them across the face in words) is amusing? You think its okay? Coward. Disappointment surrounds this heart deep within this grief. Within this brokenness this heart feels. You don't care? Leave these beautiful hearts alone. They do shine brighter. Pain tends to shine brighter than arrogance.

Highschool Dreams? More Possibilities...

He actually looked at me. He did! But does that mean that he thinks about me? I don't know. But he spoke to me! Do I just get too excited for nothing... its important to me though. Shouldn't that count for something? It counts for me! It makes me feel all warm and amazing inside! I just can't believe it. But then I know none of this means anything unless he tells me what he's really thinking. I'll just dream and pretend my feelings are his too. I just hope the truth isn't too far from my imagination...

Calm Yourself

It is ridiculous how everyone think they have to argue. You can have your opinions and I can have mine. I can have my beliefs and you can have yours. This country has been fought for a freed for this purpose of having freedom of speech and our own thoughts. That doesn't mean you need to push your thoughts and feelings into others faces. It only means you are allowed to have your own thoughts and feelings. You don't have to fight for them anymore. In reality, no one wants to hear it. Honestly, no one really cares about your opinion. You can have it, just take it and keep it as your own. Stop fighting people for it. Do you think it matters so much that you have to lose your friends? The thing about having friends is being different from one another is actually good. If we were all the same it'd be boring and just downright lame. See your differences and be thankful that you guy aren't the same. Just calm yourself enough to see it. If you don't like my opinion then fine. I don't care if you do. If you agree with parts of me but not all of me then cool. Just honestly be yourself and don't push yourself on others. You don't like it so why would anyone else like it?

Showering...

I shower for more than just feeling clean. I shower to think. To dwell on the good days and to think about bad days though I try not to dwell on those. When I have a bad day I discuss it with myself in the shower and say all the bad things that happened along with all the bad things that could have happened. I think about people I wish I could see more often as well as the people I don't care for or maybe wish I could be closer but I know that'll never happen. See, a shower is for more than just cleaning your hair or anything else. Its for possibly cleaning your mind and what's on your heart. Maybe clearing a debate you had with a friend in your head or trying to understand people when you know it's pretty impossible sometimes. Oh well. It's something to learn as time goes on.

Waiting... Tough Stuff

I've had this feeling that I'm supposed to move to Ireland. I'm not going to just chance it because its a feeling so I'm planning on going there in a few years to check it out first for a few weeks. But I've had this feeling for a while and I've heard so many good things about it. Of course there will be the bad things, that comes with each territory. The thing is, I am incredibly impatient. I want to go NOW. I feel like I'm a child with these feelings though I also feel I can't stop them. Maybe its meant to be that I move there. The only thing is I can't count on my time in going there. It will be God's time. It's hard to remember that and keep that thought in my mind but it truly is. Even if you're an Athiest, you know it takes time to get somewhere. Its just hard to know the correct moment to act. You don't know all the time. Everything sometimes lays flat out for you but that's never a guarantee that it will happen. You have to work to get anywhere no matter what it is. You have to go through hardships to be stronger so you can stay where you'd like to be. Its hard to stay thinking that way though. It'd be nicer if it could happen now! But that way we don't gain any experience to be better in the now we'd like to be in. The now shall wait for later. It does have the feeling of getting closer though. Sometimes you feel you can almost touch it when you know you have more work to get there. Wait for the future. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why its called the present." - Oogway from Kung Fu Panda

Nothing Is The Same

I hate when women decide every man is the same. Men aren't all the same. A lot if men seem to be the same but nit each individual man us the same. I know all sorts of men. Some are very responsible and trustworthy while others are very childish. They might all think the same but they don't all act the same way. All men become terrified at certain things but men respond differently. Some respond responsibly like when they find out their girlfriend is pregnant. Some run away while others stay to take care of and support their girlfriend. Some men are very helpful and gentlemanly. Nowadays a lot if men and boys are not gentlemanly. That's because they have been taught differently. People have been spoiled and given everything. When you're a spoiled brat you don't think nor do you want to act kind to anyone. That I'd where men and women are today. People are also very defensive about the wrong things. People argue the rights and wrongs. These days all of that is different. All the wrongs and rights are very different today. There are barely any wrongs and more rights. The rights seem to be wrong though the wrongs are usually wrong. That's what is wrong with the world. With men and women. With children of today. Its not getting better you guys. Nothing will get better, everything is slowly getting worse and it will get worse. There's almost nothing we can do. But we can always try.

Innocence and Love

I feel like with the innocence of children we find true and purer love than we can find anywhere else with certain things. They're just coming into this world of hardship and they don't know. Its not that fact they should carry. Its love they should keep in their hearts. Not the hate we feel for each other. They have this lovingness about them. They have this knowing about them that makes it seem like everything will be okay. Like everything will slow for a moment so happiness may be there always. Do you see thus in children even if they're your own? Even the little boys that seem to destroy everything they see, can you see the innocence and love? The only thing is, innocence is a dying breed. Love is going along with it. Pride and evil knowledge is taking over. Fear is also coming along, its been everywhere but its like a spy, it may show itself once in a great while but now its just getting sloppy. We need to keep.everything together and slow down. Smell the flowers. Look at the moon. Realise beauty slowly and well enough to stand in awe. We need to stop to think about where we've been to get to where we are going. Thank you.

Act In Innocence?

I feel like with the innocence of children we find true and purer love than we can find anywhere else with certain things. They're just coming into this world of hardship and they don't know. Its not that fact they should carry. Its love they should keep in their hearts. Not the hate we feel for each other. They have this lovingness about them. They have this knowing about them that makes it seem like everything will be okay. Like everything will slow for a moment so happiness may be there always. Do you see thus in children even if they're your own? Even the little boys that seem to destroy everything they see, can you see the innocence and love? The only thing is, innocence is a dying breed. Love is going along with it. Pride and evil knowledge is taking over. Fear is also coming along, its been everywhere but its like a spy, it may show itself once in a great while but now its just getting sloppy. We need to keep.everything together and slow down. Smell the flowers. Look at the moon. Realise beauty slowly and well enough to stand in awe. We need to stop to think about where we've been to get to where we are going. Thank you.

Give and Take Away

If you can pull yourself away from that person or thing that you love so much and just let it go, see if it or they return. If they return then they are yours. If they don't, they weren't yours in the first place. Let go of your lover to see how they may really feel about you. It sounds painful to me and I don't have anyone. It will be painful especially if they weren't true to you in the first place. If not then keep on living to find the truth that you want and deserve to hold onto. If yes then you may rejoice in all things. Just find out first. If you know then you shall have power. Wisdom is power. This is wisdom, painful wisdom but wisdom nonetheless. Its the trust you must have. If you don't have trust, what do you have?

Why Does This Even Happen?

Why are people so mean? I don't mean to sound innocent or anything but why? People die because of this. People kill themselves because of this. That isn't innocent. That's murder really. Its not thought of as that but that's the truth and its serious. People have a bad day and they decide to take it out in others. What does this accomplish? The person might be having the same type of day you're having. Couldn't you consider that? Your friends can take your shit buy that one person you might decide to be mad at on accident might be having one of the worst days and you make it worse. How do you feel now? You might have killed someone. Why are you doing this anyway? What the hell do you think you'll gain? Vent on your own time to your own friends. That one person you vent to but act mean and don't really mean to, will you ever see them again? You don't know. I don't understand why you'd want to do that anyway. Do you gain anything? Seriously, I want to know. Other than you feeling better, do you gain a thing from terrorizing another human being? Please tell me. But this is sick. Mayne you had that done to you. Pull yourself together. Get some help so that your life can go on. Don't put things on little people because that's what has been done to you. Be merciful. Not everyone is equal in the way they were raised or anything like that. Life isn't fair anyway. It won't become fair anytime soon.

Oh Well

I have this feeling of unfulfillment. I just feel like I don't have anything to show for anything I've ever done. Maybe I'm just feeling depressed. Why would I feel depression that feels I haven't fulfilled anything? I have reasons that pop up but maybe they aren't ones that really matter? I feel I haven't fulfilled much because: 1. People seem to have significant others. They're not always happy but I see that as "they're doing pretty good in life". 2. I haven't gotten anywhere yet. A goal of mine is to go to Ireland to see if I would want to live there. I've heard it's a fantastic place. People are nice and caring. I don't know about Dublin. Sure there can be those people but from what I've heard, it's more easy going. I'd like to see for myself and that is going slower than I thought. 3. I'm going to school and I'm slower than most of the people. It's feeling like this month has been going very slow. It's dragging it's feet. My friends that talk to me more aren't very encouraging. Maybe it's my state of mind as of now. I hate this state of mind. I need to figure out how to get out of it. Howis this possible? What must I think of or do to get myself out of this? I have to keep my mind off it really. It's hard. The weekend makes it hard when I don't have school to go to. When I go to school, I have something to do. Something to keep my mind off things. When the weekend is here I don't hve things to do. I'm not good at thinking up things I can do. I mean I'd love to do things such as Hookah but I can't. I'm not allowed to in the home I'm in right now. I don't have a job so I can't do much anyway. I have money mostly for gas and food. Oh well. What is there for me to do? I feel this boredom and this not wanting to do anything. I feel like sitting around all the time. I need to do more. I know this and I tell myself but I don't do anything. I'm a hypocrite. I'm an annoying little human being. This is what I think of myself. I'm also an introverted extrovert. I look like an extrovert but I don't have energy. I fake it because others like it. Does it make me an introvert? I don't know, I'm having problems. Oh well. I need to get over myself. I'll get through it. I love you guys. Whoever reads this, I love you. You're special to me and I appreciate anyone that reads this. Even though you don't respond, it lifts my spirits to see people have read this blog. It's one more thing keeping me happy. Thank you guys. Goodnight.

Truth... Is This You?

Adults... They seem to be very irresponsible. Why is this? Well, it seems when they were younger, they weren't asked for as much responsability as people were earlier or even in these modern times. So many people are very irresponsible. I know so many irresponsible adults coupled with the irresponsible teens down. They're all the same. And then they all have kids (The teens and adults) and they're not sure what to do. Some people have experienced people around them. Some people disown the teens when they are pregnant and so they must find another way, adults are just annoying. Friends disown friends for the same reason. It's the stupidest thing. Adults are taking this You Only Live Once thing as well as the teenagers. The thing is you actually live every day, you only die once. No matter what, you shouldn't live every day doing stupid things because you might die tomorrow. You should be considerate. You should be kind even when it's extremely hard. You should try to be a better person. Don't ask yourself what you could possibly change. Ask friends, family or anyone you may trust. They can possibly help you become a better person. Do you want to be a better person? Someone told me everyone wants to be a better person. Is that true? As far as I've seen it really isn't. Its much easier be selfish, isn't it? You don't care? Do you give to those charities because you care or because you think people will think you're nice when your heart really isn't in it? Do things because you mean it. Otherwise there really isn't a reason to do anything when you don't mean it.

Pain... Life...

Life is so bipolar. Its terrible. You could have the best day ever but have it end so terribly. You have to keep going though, huh? You push in through that shit. Its so hard though. I know, I'm experiencing so much pain. I can't think sometimes. I've been being more obvious about my feelings, about my sadness. Pain keeps tearing at my soul. My heart keeps hurting, I hurt all over. I feel pain. Pain that hurts but I can not explain why or really actually where. I can only say that it is for the world we seem to live in now. This very sad world that gets with the days. I become stronger even though I feel like I am becoming weak with each swing of evil. This evil is so hard to deal with. Its so bipolar.

Don't Do It

People just make me disappointed in where I live. People give to charities because it looks good or because it's a good thing to do. Not necessarily because they want to. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Seriously. If you don't want to go to church because you don't believe in God, don't go. If you don't want to be in relationship, don't be in one. If you don't want to get married DON'T DO IT. I'm not saying do whatever you want. Just don't do what you don't want to get into fully with your heart. If your heart isn't in it then there is no point in doing it. My heart is going towards one dream to fulfill a few other dreams because I know one dream can lead to at least a thousand other. What's your dream? How can you persue that dream? Tell yourself the truth. If you can't do that then you can't tell anyone the truth. Don't go for twisted dreams. Go for the more colourful dreams. Go for what you truly want from your heart. It may not be wht everyone else wants but screw that. Damnit, go to fulfill your true dreams. Don't do what you don't want because, dude, you'll be miserable. Maybe you deserve it but you don't want it.

No Sin Great Enough...

I think a lot about certain things different people say. Sometimes they are the most random things but some can be thought as deep...ish. One thing that comes to mind is something a friend said when I asked if they wanted to go to the christmas: "No. It's like going to a person's birthday party and I don't know the person." My question would have been "Do you want to know Him?". I've thought about that since it was said and it tortures me because I feel as if it's too late. But I think about it because it was interesting thing to say in my opinion. Someone else found out a friend was gay and said "Oh, well he's decided not to be a Christian." (or something along those lines.) Now, I don't believe that. I mean sure I don't agree with it being okay, I think it's a sin like adultery and such things as that. Just because you sin doesn't mean you're no longer a Christian. It's your sin you need to work on just like with anything like stealing (whether it be a piece of gum or an expensive watch) or lying (Whether it be a white lie or the biggest lie in history.). A sin is a sin no matter how big or small it may seem to you or others. Every one of us lives in one sin or another, that doesn't mean you're not a Christian, it only means you have something to work on. No one should judge you for anything you do but any true friend should tell you the truth of what they believe, though it should never be done in anger or anything other than possible concern and real trying helpfulness. If you don't want any help, your friend should understand not to bring it up. Should... People aren't usually understanding though. I'm sorry if this is the case. I hope youf ind a true friend somewhere at sometime possibly soon. Thank you...

Are You A Romantic?

Why aren't people romantic? I mean sure, you can't be romantic all the time but you could at least be somewhat romantic sometimes. All anyone thinks about or talks about is sex. All they want is sex and they can't control themselves. People I've spoken to about dating and even just kissing is "I couldn't live without kissing him." So why am I alive? I've never kissed a guy (Or girl) and I'm fine. Sure I would like to kiss a guy. Lots of guys have wanted to kiss me. Like really kiss me, not just on the cheek. But I haven't been there yet where that actually happened. It doesn't sound very romantic but I'd like to wait until I'm married to have that first kiss. It sounds hard, it is hard but it doesn't actually matter if they're good kissers or are good in bed. It matters who they are and where their heart is. Whether their heart is in the right place. You don't just know who a guy is because of the sex they give or the kiss you like. It's really inside them you need to look at. If you can laugh, fight, cry, and stay together then great. I don't like the thought of fighting because it means you and another person are angry and yelling and not listening. It's better to discuss and disagree but trying to understand and accept the other persons views. But whatever happens, in the end you should forgive and forget instead of forgive and bring it back later for blackmailing. Arguments should be forgotten. If you have a problem with an argument or don't remember how you resolved it, then ask. Don't ask over and over again because that is just annoying and another reason for an argument. Calm yourself down and be happy. Also: Happy wife happy life. With a little: Would you rather be happy or right? Thank you...