Ask Yourself...

Sometimes I feel just so alone amidst a crowd of people. I can't explain it really. Other than most of the people I am around are in relationships. I do, indeed complain about this a lot but not settling is possibly one of the hardest things to do when everyone around you is so happily in some sort of relationship. But there aren't many trustworthy people that actually care and want to help carry a burden like this. I might sound arrogant but I know I carry burdens of many people that I probably shouldn't I shouldn't care as much as I do but I care too much about everyone. I get attached so easily and people take advantage of that all the time. Even people that I wouldn't expect that from. It weighs me down and hurts me in the end especially when I suddenly realise it when I should have realised it so long ago. I don't know why I have these feelings still, and I know I sounds like a teen as I possibly always have on this blog but I am unable to shake these feelings. I love my life for the most part. I enjoy what I do but sometimes being around the people I have to be around just drains my life and I have to relearn how to cope while being in this unfortunate situation. Some may be ignorant and say that I could just not be in this situation, that it's easy to get out of any unfortunate situation one might be in but those are usually the people that had the good life handed to them from the beginning, I've noticed. I do suck it up when I'm around people because, honestly, it's my job. I can't be making others around e feel bad just because I do. And I don't always feel like this, I have many moments that feel as though the world is at my feet to do my bidding. But there are those days where I feel so down and alone that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Today, I just feel lost. I feel so depressed for no reason. And I realise it's hereditary, but that doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse because I see all these people suffering for good reasons and I'm just here complaining that I'm not the happiest person in the world and I don't know why. I can't actually help what I'm feeling but I can just not dwell on it. It's hard when I'm alone in real life. But, ya know, what I will try and will always try to do is just make others happy and not be able to even know what this feels like because that does help. It helps the other people smile and that is always a good thing whether their intent in my life is evil or not.